God hates gossips. People do too.

God hates gossips. People do too.

This is self-evident. Or it seems. So why do people gossip and what values can we learn?

Gossip is where someone who talks about another without their presence. No one would say that a statement “He is such a great guy.”, is gossip.

Gossip happens within a social circle of peers. For example, people at work, on campus, neighbors, etc. Gossip can jump social circles where there is overlap, for example, a neighborhood restaurant where locals eat. There is nominal gossip of course. “Did you hear about the fire at Jakes Tire?” This is really small talk that can transition into gossip. “I heard is was arson for the insurance.” There is a social order passed down from a time where information was an oral tradition and social order was at least partially sought through language. I am not talking about the social effect of small talk, I am talking about the darker side of gossip.

No one would argue that “Gossips are small people”. Ask a few people on the street and most if not everyone would confer the statement. And yet most everyone gossips to some level. This does not make it right.

Culture plays a part in gossip. For example, people would understand that small towns would likely gossip more. This is largely due to the closeness of various social circles. For example, family familiarity through generations, or school mates, familiarity through various work places, etc. However, not all small towns gossip and small town can gossip to lesser degrees. On the extreme side, gossips will actually research their target by calling doctors, banks, utilities, insurance companies, and so on looking for dirt. And because small towns are largely friendly, helpful, and ignorant of boundaries, the gossip can easily dig up dirt on their target. Lies are often the the source of gossip. It is very common that gossip are lies rather than inaccuracy. The gossip can be made up of whole cloth.

Where I grew up, gossip was not appreciated. Neither was lying. This is funny in the face of things - I grew up in Washington D.C. There is a divide within the city between those who have lived in D.C. (what real Washingtonians call home) for generations and opportunistic people who take advantage of industries within the area such as, government, government contracting, and media. The fact is, the ladder group is only there for a short while. When they have made their fortunes, the retire often where they came from. Washingtonians, the real ones, do not gossip at least not negatively. Or at least by and large. Gossips are often shut down quickly and told to “Mind your business.” For those who are passing through, they gossip excessively and bring their negative morals with them. This is a more recent, at least since the 70’s. We were told, “If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all.”  Everyone has heard this growing up, however, Washingtonians are very serious. The AA rule, “If it is not yours do not pick it up.”, applies. D.C. is really a small town. Okay a large small town. We still have the same generational circles, church circles, neighborhood circles, school circles, just the same as any small town. People who just moved in do not have the institutional knowledge that help them fit in. Washingtonians welcome others into their circles, but the familiarity is just not there.

Where I live now gossip is very pervasive. News about neighbors, church members, school mates, and so on aside, negative gossip makes up too much of the gossip people will spread. People will go out of their way to dig up dirt or lie about you. It is a contrast that makes me nostalgic.

Gossip is just plain nasty regardless.

Everyone wants to be thought of well socially. When someone gossips negatively about us, we get mad. “How dare they say that about me?” or “What are people to think of me?” We are concerned about how we are seen socially and about the preservation of our reputation. Reputation is simply how people think of us. It is a reflection of how we live, our values, and whether we can be trusted. This is important for those who are invested into a society, who built their reputation to do good works. For example, a CEO who has built a company specifically in a town, such as one where he grew up in, to build opportunities for people he grew up with. Or someone who has created an organization to give a hand-up to an under served community. For these people, reputation is important and any gossip can seriously undermine the reputation of good people.

At the core, negative gossip about someone is an assault upon our dignity and values. This assault does not happen in a vacuum. When someone spreads negative gossip about another, it is primarily a result of revenge, punishment, hatred, intra-sexual competition, or control for the conformity of a social group. For example, “He cannot keep his hands to himself.”, as revenge or punishment for a cheating mate. Hatred often appears as revenge or punishment between sexual partners. This is the largest category of gossip, Another example, “She is such a slut.”, said between two girls to gain access to a male. Again sexual posturing between potential sexual partners. It is not surprise that sex is a significant motivation for gossip. Sex plays a significant role for most everyone.

Gossip is often an invention of an inferiority complex to show suedo-superiority over someone. It is a “leveling mechanism” ployed by people who have low self-esteem. Anyone who spreads negative gossip about another is selfish, adversarial, and sadistic. Gossip is also a form of social competition - oneupmanship. And while the gossip spread serves the needs of the gossiper, it does not serve the needs of the social group in which it is shared. For the gossiper, the gossip spread is the most exploitable about a person where it counters how other thinks of that person. For example, if the target of the gossip is an honest person, the gossip will attack the honesty of the target. In this way, negative gossip is actually a reflection of a target persons values. For example, if the gossip is about dishonesty, then the target is very likely to actually be honest.

Gossip can be seen as a bonding exercise. Chatter bonds peers by sharing concerns or celebrations of the group. In this way gossip could be seen as beneficial. Where this concept breaks down is when gossip that is not a shared concern of the group is seen as foreign, out of the blue, or about someone who is not part of the group. This gossip is often not well received and seen as a mark of untrustworthiness. “If she can say that about someone I barely know or do not know, what is she saying about me behind my back?” And this is the rub. Gossips who spread negative gossip cannot be trusted with your secrets, The more they gossip, the more the social group fears to share with the gossiper or even ostracized partially or fully from the group. The social group could breakdown and splinter into more than one faction. One that supports the gossiper, and one that does not.

Negative gossip is a sign of low morals and maturity. As we get older, many of us moderate or stop gossiping. This is because we grow up. This not the case for everyone. Gossips gossip because they think it works. This is clear. However, what gossips don’t know is that it only works for a little while or only works among people who also gossip at the same low level. In this way, “Gossips are small people.”, is really true.

What does God say about gossip?

Whether your faith is Christian or not, or whether you have a faith at all, does not matter in this sense - the Bible has wisdom for living a successful life passed down through oral and then written traditions. You do not have to ‘believe’ in the Bible to learn from it.

The Bible tells us to confide in God and each other. It also tells us not to spread idle gossip.

It is important to understand the context of the time. Israelites followed the law as God has given them. There was no other law. Not even Roman law. The Romans left the Hebrews to judge according to their own law, the law of Moses and the Old Testament. One’s faith and the law were one and the same. This is important to consider because our context is different, in as much as where the law is not based upon common law and the Ten Commandments, we separate the law from the exercise of our individual faiths. When was the last time that Gods law was referred to by anyone other than in Church? And yet, God’s law is the foundation of many of the laws we have. We simply refer to the law as a technical matter and not as a moral matter. In the time of the Bible, the law and morals were indeed the same thing.

"Judge not, that ye be not judged." Matthew 7:1 KJV
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

This is where I begin. We have all heard Matthew 7:1 but very few of us understand what it means. Jesus firstly is warning us that in the way we judge others, we shall also be judged. We judge someone as an adulterer, we too shall be judged as an adulterer. This judgment is to be two fold in the eyes of the LORD. It is not yours to judge others by any standard except to rebuke. To rebuke, you cannot pass on idle gossip, but to rebuke openly, publicly, and with knowing knowledge (caught in the act of sin) as a way to uphold the law. Even then God warns us to keep a clean house. In Mathew 7:3, Jesus continues: “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Jesus is saying that only those who are without of sin can judge the sin of others.

Gossip is the product of pride. Pride is a sin. God commands us against pride.

We have heard the saying “Pride comes before the fall.” This comes from scripture. “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18 Christ commands us to refrain from sin - to sin means death and shall not enter the kingdom of God. Pride is the first and greatest sin.

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Luke 6:45

“Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. James 3:6-7”

I could go on. There are more than 100 versus related to gossip. Let me finish with this. God considers gossip as slander. Do not each your kids that gossip os okay by gossiping yourself. Our childer learn from their parents first and their grand parents second. Childern know who is the best example within their familiar circle. For myself, it was my grand father who provided the best exmaple. He never said an unkind word, never lied, never cursed, would find the best in people, compliment everyone he sees, had a good sense of humor, and even flirted for fun. He made everyone feel good to know him. That is a standard I try to live up to.